Forgiving someone must mean repairing and restoring the relationship. Right? At least, that’s what I hope for whenever there’s a conflict with someone I know and love. All too often though, a restored relationship is not the case. While the reasons can be very complicated and heartbreaking, usually the fallout is a result of several basic things.
Someone you’ve hurt and apologized to isn’t willing to forgive you or give you another chance. Perhaps, you’ve been hurt by someone else, and they aren’t willing to apologize, admit any fault, or change the way they treat you. Sometimes, there is no good known explanation as to why someone simply decides to stop being your friend, doesn’t want to try, or just doesn’t like you.
In my own life, I’ve struggled to understand and know how to handle these situations, especially when it involves longtime friends or family members. I also want to live out my faith, do the right thing, and please God in how I treat other people. While I certainly don’t know all the answers, here are a few things I have learned and accepted when forgiveness doesn’t mean relationship.
Forgive no matter what happened. Christ calls us to forgive just as He forgives us. This is the most important thing we can do, but sometimes it is the hardest thing for us to do. It is a process that can take time when the hurt runs really deep. Yet, the bitterness and resentment that we hold only hurts us.
Resentment hardens our hearts towards others. It takes up valuable time that could be used for a better purpose, and it keeps us from moving forward with our lives. Most of all, it can hurt our witness as a Christian living for Christ.
Control our actions and reactions. We cannot control someone else’s actions and thoughts. We can only control how we react, what we say, and what we think. We can control how we love and show respect.
Accept distance and boundaries when there is no resolution. This is a difficult thing for me to do whether I feel I have to choose it, or the other person decides to choose it. We may often feel a great deal of guilt for failing the relationship. There are times and situations when distance or parting ways is not necessarily a bad thing or should be shrouded in guilt and failure though. Sometimes, separation may be needed for our own well-being and protection especially when offences continue, or a relationship is abusive.
Take this time to draw even closer and more dependent on God. Give to Him what is beyond our ability to control. If someone has hurt us, He will fight for us and lead us to a better place. If we have hurt someone, He can help us learn how to correct our mistakes moving forward in our relationships.
Find peace in Christ. Has someone you’ve hurt refused to forgive you? Know that Christ will freely forgive you and love you when you repent to Him. Have you been hurt or rejected by someone? Know Christ does not reject you and loves you dearly.
Christ understands our brokenness and heartache. He lived a perfect life on this earth and suffered greatly for our sins to save us. Yet, His mercy, forgiveness, and love are often rejected by many. Lean on Him to restore and repair your heart and give you joy again.