I am a pastor’s daughter. While growing up as a pastor’s daughter gave me some very valuable experiences, it was not always an easy life. The fact is my whole family was often under more scrutiny and judged differently than the typical family.
While preachers do indeed have a higher calling and will be judged accordingly, they are also imperfect humans. It certainly is most important that they accurately present the truth in God’s word. However, like anyone else, they do also make mistakes. They have personality flaws as we all do. And the same goes for their wives and children. So, it is important that we treat them as we want to be treated when we mess up – with love and compassion.
Here are some things to consider when relating to your pastor:
His personality and mannerisms may be different from you or what your expectation of a pastor looks like. That does not mean his calling to the ministry is a mistake. He should be treated with an open mind and more importantly with respect.
Remember he does not have just one or two bosses to please but a whole congregation of them. He cannot always please every single person. Sometimes, you may not agree. However, that does not necessarily mean your opinion is always more correct than his is.
While a pastor’s wife understands what she’s signing up for when she marries a pastor, realize her calling or ministry is not always what you think she ought to be doing. She must follow God’s plan for her life like you should follow God’s plan for your life. God equips the pastor’s wife with special talents, gifts, and abilities just as He does you. This is one job where the spouse and children often face unfair and unrealistic expectations that would never be placed on the spouse and children of someone in other more traditional jobs.
Being a minister, a minister’s wife, or a minister’s kid can be very lonely. There are some people who will always look at them differently. Some will not want to associate with them, because they feel like they always have to be on their best behavior. There are people that have the perception that you can’t have fun around the preacher or his family. It was also hard for me to feel comfortable around other people and just be myself as a preacher’s kid. I often felt judged more harshly when I made a mistake.
Kids born to a pastor and his wife are not given the option of whether they want to be a part of that type of ministry. Just as the pastor’s wife has her own gifts and calling from God, so do the pastor’s kids. They want the freedom to pick and choose the activities within the church they want to pursue just as your children do.
Whenever you do have a disagreement or especially a criticism of your pastor, please discuss it with him in private. Do not do so in front of his wife or children. A pastor’s job is unusual in that he takes his family to work with him. In most other careers, you probably would not ever have a disagreement or unfavorable critique of your job performance by your boss in front of your wife or children.
Pray for your pastor and his family! Remember he and his family are not that much different from yours or any other family within the church. Don’t expect them to be any more perfect than you are. We are all alike in that we are sinners in need of a Savior.